Sir Vices

I am airily for ill business consultant.

I really am.

Fur eels.

I promise.

https://ilmfat.com/reviews

https://ilmfat.com/delusions

https://ilmfat.com/contact

.............

Oh.

.........................

You're still here.

Hoping for some assurance this is no scam.

That I'm more than just a charlatan weaving illusion.

I understand.

I'm quite a firm believer that it's dangerous to go alone.

Here. Take this:

I am a business consultant. I consult for businesses.

Really really.

Cross my heart and definitely hope to die.

So, so much hope.

I digress.

I actually exist.

I have a family and everything.

I am real.

And so is my business consulting.

Definitely not fake.

No illusion here.

*holds earpiece*

*Glares stage right*

*shuffles papers and clears throat angrily*

Great. I've JUST been informed we actually DO have SOME illusion in stock. Glad they told me NOW!!!!!

*holds earpiece*

*looks stage right*

It's not "no big deal", Dave. You intentionally waited to tell me on air. It's actually quite bothersome and frankly, demeaning.

*holds earpiece*

*jumps up and yells stage right*

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THE VEIL DELIVERY CAME IN BEFORE YOU PUT ME IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA?!?!?

........

*dawning realization as looks at camera*

Which...........

....I am currently still in front of.

......Live.

And my kids are likely watching.

*awkward silence*

*looks stage left*

They already know it's awkward, Susan. You don't need to type it onto their screens.

*holds earpiece*

*looks stage right*

Oh, I'M being petty? That's the height of hilarity coming from YOU, Dave. 

How about I tell the good folks at home about the time a certain Psychic Broadcasting Network producer went to Fantasy Forgery and asked them to find you a muzzled fru.....

*technical difficulties graphic*

*game show hold music plays*